Islam,unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no placefor celibacy like, for example the Roman
     Catholicpriests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy inIslam.

     Marriageis a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as asocial necessity. Islam does not equal
     celibacywith high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is mytradition who so ever keeps away there
     from isnot from amongst me".

     Marriageacts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not becomea slave to his/ her desires.

     It is asocial necessity because through marriage, families are established andthe family is the fundamental unit of our
     society.Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge inintimacy between a man and a woman.

     Islam takesa middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemnsit like certain religions, nor does it
     allowit freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whateverthey may be so that we remain dignified and
     not becomelike animals.

     The purposeof Marriage.

     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

     The word"zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usagerefers to marriage. The general
     purposeof marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, loveto one another, procreate children and
     live inpeace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

     * Marriageserves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a meansof tension reduction. It is also a form
     of Ibadahbecause it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen asthe only possible way for the sexes to
     unite.One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displayingobedience to Allah.

     Marriageis "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which canbe taken lightly. It should be entered
     into withtotal commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not likebuying a new dress where you can
     exchangeit if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. Oneshould be mature enough to understand
     the demandsof marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to bevalid certain conditions must be
     met.

     1) consentof both parties.

     2) " Mahr"a gift from the groom to his bride.

     3) Witnesses-2 male or female.

     4) Themarriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leadsto suspicion and troubles within the
     community.

     Is Marriageobligatory?

     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

     Accordingto Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage isrecommendatory, however in
     certainindividuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it tobe nafl or mubah (preferable). The general
     opinionis that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marrythey will commit fornication, then marriage
     becomes"wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" forthat person to marry. Marriage should
     not beput off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so.

     A man,however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintaina wife and future family, or if he
     has nosex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriouslyaffect his religious obligation.

     The generalprinciple is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry.

     He said"when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let himfear Allah regarding the remaining half." This
     hadithis narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shieldsone from and upholds the family unit
     whichIslam places great importance.

     Selectionof a partner:

     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

     The choiceof a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophetrecommended the suitors see each
     otherbefore going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people tobe thrown together and be expected to
     relateand be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permittedto look at each other with a
     criticaleye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah whichsays that believing men and women
     shouldlower their gaze.

     - The couple,however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out togetheralone. As the hadith says
     "whena man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.

     - Thereis no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. Thereis no dating or living in defacto relationship
     or tryingeach other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is tobe no physical relationship what so ever
     beforemarriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have provenin most cases to be unrealistic and
     harmfulto those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate inthe west to understand this point. e.g. the
     coupleknow each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehowthis does not guarantee the success
     of thefuture marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bondbetween two people.

     Fact: Romanceand love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. Theunrealistic expectations that
     youngpeople have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.

     - The westmake fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage,yet the irony is that statistically
     arrangedmarriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types ofcourtship.

     This isbecause people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choosethe compatible partner.

     Love blindspeople to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying:which says "the mirror of love is
     blind,it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, arebased not on physical attraction or
     romanticnotions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

     This iswhy they often prove successful.

     Consentof parties.

     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

     There isa halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriagesby suggestion and recommendation
     as longas both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parentschoose the future spouse and the
     coupleconcerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.

     One ofthe conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.

     Marriageby definition is a voluntary union of two people.

     The choiceof a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of thefather or guardian under Maliki school.
     This isto safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow andthe divorced woman shall not be married
     untilshe has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consentis obtained. The prophet did revoke the
     marriageof a girl who complained to him that her father had married her againsther wishes.

     The husband/wiferelationship.

     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

     -The wifesrights - the Husbands obligations.

     (1) Maintenance

     The husbandis responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established byauthority of the Qur'an and the sunnah.
     It isinconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor,healthy or sick. A component of his role as
     "qawam"(leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generousway so that his wife may be assured
     securityand thus perform her role devotedly.

     The wifesmaintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care,like medication, hospital bills etc. He
     must lodgeher where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge mustbe adequate so as to ensure her
     privacy,comfort and independence.

     If a wifehas been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties,it is the husbands duty to provide her
     with amaid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: Thebest Muslim is one who is the best
     husband.

     (2) "Mahr"

     The wifeis entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferreddepending on the agreement
     betweenthe parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have tobe money or gold. It can be non-material
     like teachingher to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride.This is the Islamic law, unlike some
     cultureswhereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter.This practice degrades women and is
     contraryto the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to whator how much the Mahr has to be. It
     dependson the parties involved.

     (3) Non-materialrights.

     A husbandis commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respecther feelings and show kindness and
     consideration,especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindnessto women.

     The wifeobligations - the Husbands rights.

     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

     One ofthe main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulnessof the marriage. She must be attentive
     to thecomfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustratesthis point is:

     "Our lord,grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guideus to be models for the righteous"

     The wifemust be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husbandby deliberately avoiding
     contraception.She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusivelythe husband right i.e.
     sexualintimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the housewithout his knowledge and consent. She
     shouldnot be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from othermen without his approval. This is meant
     to avoidjealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust.She may not dispose of his belongings
     withouthis permission.

     A wifeshould make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsiveto his advances. The wife must not
     refuseher husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still- tempt the man to adultery. The husband
     of courseshould take into account the wifes health and general consideration shouldbe given.

     Obedience.

     ^^^^^^^^^

     The purposeof obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running assmoothly as possible. The man has
     been giventhe right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior.If a leader is not obeyed , his
     leadershipwill become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without thenecessary authority which has been
     entrustedto them.

     Obediencedoes not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:

     (a) Itis required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissiblecategories of action.

     (b) Itmust be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husbandrights.
 

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